There will come a time when everything that did not make sense will start to make sense and at the same time that everything you thought that had made sense really made no sense at all.

I am at a stage in my life that I feel like things are starting to make sense where in the unconscious choices from a non-mundane perspective had led me to where I am now. And thought there is always this niggling feeling, my programming sometimes chooses to push it aside out of fear — fear of not knowing what will come next, fear of being not understood, fear of “maybe this is going no where, why should i follow this lead?”

After a few years of working in a corporate setting, I felt disillusioned with my life and I thought I was headed where I really wanted to be headed but it turns out that in the depths of my soul, something else was awakening, screaming to be let out and be recognized. When I had pushed this stirring aside, I was only met with an old time friend that I never wanted to acknowledge: Loneliness.

Loneliness in a way that I felt disconnected to myself. Loneliness that creeps in because you know that what you are doing doesn’t resonate with the inner stirring of where you are supposed to be headed. Loneliness in which you know that you want to explain what you are going through but you can’t because you’re the only one who can fully understand why everything needs to happen (even you did not want it to happen consciously). An event with the mix of choices and a fate that you cannot run away from.

When I started to acknowledge this Loneliness within me, everything else started to shift — it was a mixture of chaos and synchronicity. I knew all along I had to leave my job not only because it was taking a toll on my physical body but it was also being rejected by emotional and spiritual body. I was so afraid. I had even done several tarot and oracle readings and they all had pointed to the same outcome: I need to let go and delve deep within.

It was never an easy task. I may have written about this on a previous blog on another website but now I am writing how I really felt about the issue because I had not elaborated it before and focused more on the events that had happened rather than looking at it a microcosmic emotional level.

I was in a state of mind where I had forgotten how the universe would conspire to let an event happen whether it was a negative or a positive outcome. I had forgotten about inevitability because I had focused more on what my rational scared mind has been nagging me to do and don’t do just so to assure my survival in this dog-eats-dog world. I was being stripped away of the things that I had thought mattered the most while living in this plane of existence and had actually forgot about the fact that I (all of us) also exists in other planes of reality and it just so happened that I had my awareness disconnect from those realities in order to only focus on just surviving in this plane. I failed to realize that my soul had yearned for that comfort of finding its way back “home”.

I will not explain what that means even thought I’m driven by the rational urge to do so. If you’re reading this now, you were not being brought here just out of curiosity and I know that you know what I am talking about when I said HOME in every sense of that word when you had disconnected yourself from your higher being.

Right now, I am moving to the path of the “journey back home”. It has taken me about 5 1/2 months to finally acknowledge this. I had been battling with myself everyday since the day I had quit work to focus more on myself.

Everybody else on social media – be it on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram have been talking about spiritual awakening and how they have achieved it. Yet I only had seen a handful of individuals who where actually brave enough to tell the tale that it was not easy to get there. That awakening is not bliss nor the journey to reach it is as easy as doing a 5 minute meditation affirmation everyday. Well let me tell you this: You will have to face a lot of your shadows past and long forgotten before you can be truly be at peace with yourself and this is not just as simple as burying the hatchet for those you hold grudges for to make peace with yourself but it is also understanding our incapacities and limitations which make up a unique genetic code of our present selves.

Right now, I am on a shift of awareness in which I am shedding everything that does not serve any purpose to my journey. Sadly this also means giving up past friendships and relationships that cannot hold any meaning to the life path that I am going through at the moment. As much as I want to hold them dear to me, I can only be thankful that they had taught me an invaluable lesson and I must move on without them because they are not moving along with the vibration and shift of consciousness of where I am trying to get to. So if you are reading this and you have not heard anything from me, I am so, so, so sorry but this is a conscious choice I had made so I can get where I need to be at the moment. But then, since you are reading this now, maybe you are also experiencing a shift of consciousness but our paths are not yet intersecting again because we need to be doing our own thing and maybe in the future we could meet again — or maybe not as we totally deviate from each other. Know that I am grateful for the experiences both good and bad for it had taught me to be where I wanted to be right now. Please do not be offended, it is just inevitable.

Right now, this is the Nth time I have done this. Much like in the movie Edge of Tomorrow. I had made a few deviations and progress before but this time, I want to be able to make through at the end and finally be able to break the cycle.

Right now, I believe that I am once again diving into the waters of Synchronicity — its waves both turbulent and smooth. There is no use running away from it anymore because if I do, I’d go back to the cycle where I don’t want to be in the first place. This time, I will trust in the process no matter how it defies the logic of my immediate construct as I know I am no longer alone in this and a guiding “hand” had already showed time and again that I need to be somewhere else than just “here.”